OK, I'm glad I got that out of my system....not the early Sunday morning howl I just laid on everyone but the less the cheery post from last night. Remember, Shell Shock Serenade captures this life of mine in REAL TIME...meaning when I am feeling like that, it will be represented here.
At least it SHOULD be represented here...I really had to resist the urge to not post it. But what would censoring out the embarrassing posts achieve other then to invalidate the whole enterprise?! Nobody is going to mistake me for being anywhere close to perfect but the fact is I have my moments of struggle. We all do...
I don't want to sound dramatic but tumors can kill people. I have just spent over 4.5 years fighting to re-build my life after nearly losing it at my own hand do to my alcoholism/addiction. The prospect of going through all THAT to die from a tumor has set of some rather conflicting emotions and I am just now trying (with GODS help) to get my arms around all that.
So..this isn't an apology for yesterdays post but I felt compelled to explain, to a degree what prompts those kind of reactions. Simply: That is one way I work through trauma...I VOMIT it out, usually in word for (written or verbal but lately and much more positively it turns out, in written form here on SSS). Then I have some emotional separation from it and I can move forward.
Like many things in my life today, there is a process as opposed to lurching through life, just REACTING to one thing after another. That is a result of the life of spiritual principals I have referred to here before. And for me, it's effective...it works well though it constantly gets "tweaked" as I learn and grow day to day.
Essentially this early Sunday Morning Post is a "Hey, it's alright, I'm OK" shout out to anyone reacting negatively to that Emo-V (Emotional Vomiting [EV, E-VOMIT,EMO-Vomit, etc]...A useful emotional release technique I have recently been practicing) from last night.
So although I feel a bit embarrassed for "popping off" in such a way...I feel that much better for actually doing it. So no worries, it's all part of the NORM here at Shell Shock. Happy Sunday and hey...Don't forget your Big 'Ole Orange Jug!