OK GOD, I know...

This afternoon I did a lousy job of trusting my Lord and Savior. I tried to snag all the control and handle everything on my own. It wasn't pretty....In like 30 minutes I was a stressed out emotional mess and my medical symptoms were going totally haywire.You would have thought that I learned that lesson countless times before. Nope I suppose I needed another dose of self-inflicted misery to remind me that I can't do this ALONE.

OK GOD, I surrender. I have stated many times before here on Shell Shock that recovery is really a lifetime process and today proves it perfectly. I can revert back to old behaviors, thoughts and attitudes without blinking an eye. I dealt with some adversity this afternoon and it was like everything I have learned about life and trusting God meant nothing. I freaked, I didn't handle myself very well and honestly I'm humbled by how quickly that happened.I was pretty unkind to one of the people who have dropped everything in their life to help during this tough time. I'm sorry Kim, I ignored the Lord and acted like a jerk!

Well all I can say is I learned some life lessons today and I can honestly say I made some mistakes. I'll do my best to learn and move on.

I learned that GOD has been watching over me and has never let me down. He has given me wonderful, caring friends who have been prying and looking out for me too. I know a great many people are praying for me..that fact blows my mind. It's humbling but what a blessing to have such friends today.

The fun begins in the morning, 7a Central Time. I just had my last supper (Not THE Last Supper!)before I fast for testing tomorrow. I know where I'm headed, have already checked in this afternoon so off we go. We'll keep you updated....thanks everyone!