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Friday, March 11, 2011

Thomas A Whiner

I really do try to be more tolerant and accepting of others these days yet one of the things that still can get a rise out of me are whiners. People who seem to complain all the doesn't really matter about what, they just whine. I have a feeling it's just their personality and natural way of looking at and processing whatever life throws there way. Perhaps for some, it was the way they were always bitch about their lot in life or perceived misfortune. Any how, it annoys the heck out of my when folks seem to have nothing positive to say and just whine away...

Any reader of Shell Shock Serenade lately knows that I have recently been really struggling with my health. I've really been ill and the doctors in my life are doing their darnedest to poke, prod and test me to death. We've found some answers...therefore we can plan treatment for those particular things. But...

Still, there are plenty of unanswered questions that we are still working on. It's a process and I am not normally a very patient person, even less so when I feel rotten all the time. I have a hard time accepting that we haven't figured all this out already...

I'm growing weary of walking around each and every day always feeling like I could hurl at any given moment. Tired of breaking into a heavy, cold/clammy sweat all the time, to the point I have to always bring extra t-shirts to wear. I'm so weary of always feeling so weak and needing help to do basic stuff like yard work...

My concern here is that I am becoming a whiner. I don't want to be one of those people that is always going on about how bad I feel, what treatment they are having me try, etc...But in my life today, I no longer live in a cave like I used to. I have many caring and concerned friends who naturally ask how I am feeling and what's going on. They care about me today and really want to know how I am....

Yet... feel like I'm always just giving the same negative answer. What I really want to do is talk about ANYTHING but my health but since people are concerned enough to ask, I feel strongly that I owe them an honest answer. Yet if I answer truthfully, there has not been any change in the way I feel so far, I can't help but feel like I'm letting people down, that I am being negative or yes...whining.

Is that weird or what?! I want to give them good news yet...I haven't really anything good news (yet) to share. I really do try to always be positive about my situation...not just think positively but act it as well. I always feel better about focusing on the things that I can do as opposed to those things that I can't.

So I am truly at a loss....

I suppose I have to share what is really happening with me but I suppose my focus should stay on the positive. I do believe that GOD is with me always and I believe (have faith) to the very core of my Soul that good can come out of ANY situation, regardless of what it is.

I know in my heart that I do not feel sorry for myself. This is critically important point of reality because there is no place in a healthy life for is such a destructive emotion and I can't think of a single, positive thing that comes from feeling sorry for one's self.

Hey, I know that a lot of these health issues were self-inflicted through my blatant neglect for my health during all those years that I practiced my addiction. I can't take that behavior I have to deal with it, it's MY reality and my life. It is also my responsibility to deal with it and not my friends burden to constantly have to listen to my tale of darkness and woe.

But if they are concerned and ask how I am...I can't help but share with them honestly how I feel. I know there must be a way to do that with out slipping into the "whiner mode".

So I'm not sure I solved a darn thing after writing all that down but I will admit that I feel better about the situation as a hole. I think there always is a fine line between sharing where you are at when times are tough and letting it degenerate into self-indulgent, whiny self-pity. I don't believe I'm at that point but if I am and not aware of it, i have a sneakin' suspicion one of my friend will let me know!


  1. I know it can be tough when you're looking for medical answers and all they can do without a firm diagnosis is treat each symptom.

    It took well over 5 years for me to be diagnosed with my condition, and in that time, I kept telling the doctors to please look at the WHOLE picture. I had started getting daily migraines (blacking my vision out completely...catscan showed no reason for this), and they treated me for migraines. I was gaining weight, and they tried to tell me to go on a diet (and I had really no appetite to begin with..not to mention I ran every day and played softball, and swam everyday). I had so many symptoms that seemed completely disconnected, yet I KNEW that if they were to actually treat me as a whole person and not just a conglomeration of my different symptoms, they would finally start to make a turn around.

    You can always tell people in a positive way, well, we have found x, y or z, and we are still searching for the answers to some of the other symptoms, but the good news is, that we are making progress. Then you have a positive spin on things.

    Just never let the doctors lead you to think that you're nuts....they tried like hell to make me think that and I WORKED WITH THE BASTARDS!!!

  2. T:
    You tell it like it is. You lay your cards on the table. You didn't fold. You're still in the game, ready to play the next hand. How's that sound?

  3. SG:That sounds great, Thank You, I needed that!

    C-Al:My past experiences w/doctors has been very similar to what you have gone through yourself. Since I have had these long term medical disabilities i have also gotten the "TREATMENT" from the Medical Professionals I dealt with. Eventually we worked it out..

    I sincerely hope you find whats happening with you and I'm glad there has been some progress.