Thomas A Whiner

I really do try to be more tolerant and accepting of others these days yet one of the things that still can get a rise out of me are whiners. People who seem to complain all the time...it doesn't really matter about what, they just whine. I have a feeling it's just their personality and natural way of looking at and processing whatever life throws there way. Perhaps for some, it was the way they were raised...to always bitch about their lot in life or perceived misfortune. Any how, it annoys the heck out of my when folks seem to have nothing positive to say and just whine away...

Any reader of Shell Shock Serenade lately knows that I have recently been really struggling with my health. I've really been ill and the doctors in my life are doing their darnedest to poke, prod and test me to death. We've found some answers...therefore we can plan treatment for those particular things. But...

Still, there are plenty of unanswered questions that we are still working on. It's a process and I am not normally a very patient person, even less so when I feel rotten all the time. I have a hard time accepting that we haven't figured all this out already...

I'm growing weary of walking around each and every day always feeling like I could hurl at any given moment. Tired of breaking into a heavy, cold/clammy sweat all the time, to the point I have to always bring extra t-shirts to wear. I'm so weary of always feeling so weak and needing help to do basic stuff like yard work...

My concern here is that I am becoming a whiner. I don't want to be one of those people that is always going on about how bad I feel, what treatment they are having me try, etc...But in my life today, I no longer live in a cave like I used to. I have many caring and concerned friends who naturally ask how I am feeling and what's going on. They care about me today and really want to know how I am....

Yet... feel like I'm always just giving the same negative answer. What I really want to do is talk about ANYTHING but my health but since people are concerned enough to ask, I feel strongly that I owe them an honest answer. Yet if I answer truthfully, there has not been any change in the way I feel so far, I can't help but feel like I'm letting people down, that I am being negative or yes...whining.

Is that weird or what?! I want to give them good news yet...I haven't really anything good news (yet) to share. I really do try to always be positive about my situation...not just think positively but act it as well. I always feel better about focusing on the things that I can do as opposed to those things that I can't.

So I am truly at a loss....

I suppose I have to share what is really happening with me but I suppose my focus should stay on the positive. I do believe that GOD is with me always and I believe (have faith) to the very core of my Soul that good can come out of ANY situation, regardless of what it is.

I know in my heart that I do not feel sorry for myself. This is critically important point of reality because there is no place in a healthy life for self-pity...it is such a destructive emotion and I can't think of a single, positive thing that comes from feeling sorry for one's self.

Hey, I know that a lot of these health issues were self-inflicted through my blatant neglect for my health during all those years that I practiced my addiction. I can't take that behavior back...so I have to deal with it, it's MY reality and my life. It is also my responsibility to deal with it and not my friends burden to constantly have to listen to my tale of darkness and woe.

But if they are concerned and ask how I am...I can't help but share with them honestly how I feel. I know there must be a way to do that with out slipping into the "whiner mode".

So I'm not sure I solved a darn thing after writing all that down but I will admit that I feel better about the situation as a hole. I think there always is a fine line between sharing where you are at when times are tough and letting it degenerate into self-indulgent, whiny self-pity. I don't believe I'm at that point but if I am and not aware of it, i have a sneakin' suspicion one of my friend will let me know!