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Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Bad Anger, Good Anger...

Is anger bad? I mean is being angry in itself a bad thing or is it how one deals with their anger that matters. I am not an, well perhaps an expert at being angry but not in relation to what it all means and if it is a positive or negative experience.

Photograph: Vincent O'Byrne /Alamy

I think our society in general believes that anger is a bad thing. I'm not so sure...I tend to fall into the group that believes it is what a person does when they are angry that matters. I don't think I have any control over whether I get or am angry or not. A person runs into my car in a parking lot, I feel anger, it is a natural response. I see what is happening in say... Darfur, how the Criminal so-called government there were killing off their own people...that makes me angry, just as poverty, racism, hate crime, rape...I could go on and on. Is OK to be angry about poverty but not when someone backs into your brand new car? Come on, emotions are reactionary as well, I do believe it is how we respond to them that truly matters.

My answer then is no, Anger is not bad but it is a tricky slope to negotiate. I would be concerned about my emotional state of well being and my spiritual welfare today, if I was feeling angry all of the time. There I go talking about a form of balance again but balance IS critical to my overall spiritual, psychological and emotional welfare, it just is.

I guess the longer I am living a life in recovery, regularly checking my behavior, striving to operate my life according to a spiritual and loving blueprint for living, the more I recognize the important of balance. Not just the spiritual, emotional and psychological...the physical is just as important. I neglected that aspect of my life and I still have work to do in that area.

I am more prone to over-react in anger if I am hungry or tired...that is a simple fact. If I do not feel well physically it has a counter-effect on the other aspects that make me, ME. So diet, exercise and sleep have become of more interest to me recently and it has changed my mood and therefore my behavior when I eat well, get decent sleep and exercise...I really notice it. I am calmer overall and as silly as it sounds I seem more rational, more considerate, less cranky when I have those things in balance with my spiritual, emotional and psychological sides of my being.

I'm curious if readers think anger and other such emotions are natural and it's how a person deals with them that is important or is it bad to feel anger or sadness? If it is bad then what do you do when you feel anger, suppress it? I find it an interesting question...

I personally have felt reasonably satisfied how I have recently been coping with my feelings like anger. It's not perfect but I feel pretty good when I express my feelings in a calm and measured way...holding them inside (and I'm not talking about for a few minutes, I mean permanently) will eat me up. I've experienced it, it just makes the inevitable EXPLOSION that much worse. I have also found that if I am angry at another person, confronting them isn't always the answer either. At times I will communicate anger by writing, even writing a post here on the SHOCK. The important lesson I've learned is to get the anger out of me, express it and do so in a measured and responsible way.

I have learned that for me, the "dealing with anger part" has to be a self-contained action and cannot depend on somebody else. Why? Several reasons, the first being is sometimes I am alone when I'm pissed off, duh?! But it's true. Secondly, you cannot really count on another person to act accordingly, they may NOT want to control their temper...typically is someone else loses it emotionally, my tendency is to follow suit. But I am really working at avoiding that scenario these days...

I would imagine that I will visit this subject some more because it is a front burner issue in my life today and with one guy in particular I work with in recovery. I have learned a great deal as he negotiates his way through these treacherous waters of anger, resentment and hostility. So readers, let's hear it, I'm curious...what do you think about anger?