The New Normal

The day is winding down and the folks here for the weekend are heading for home. It was such a peaceful day and after some of the internal turmoil as of the past: post surgical thoughts and feelings not to mention the re-opening of such an old wound...It never, ever gets easier to think or talk about. Well I take that back, I used to never be able to talk about it at all so obviously I have made some progress in that area. Still it's a toughie to be open with others when it comes to the subject of rape.

I really am grateful that I can share my story today. Though initially I didn't consider it such but sharing my story is a gift, it takes the pressure of each and every time that I am able to do it. Plus I continue to learn important lesson's about myself and about my fellow human beings.

this does not surprise me but I often have felt that woman are more accepting, understanding and comfortable with me sharing about sexual assault. Talking to men about it, even very close friends who are also confidants is horribly awkward at best. Nobody knows what to say...except their sorry. And you know something, I appreciate that. I'm sorry too and it is OK to feel that way.

I have often noticed this reaction and felt it myself that when someone shares some difficult story about themselves people tend to want to be able to do something about it. I've really felt that too. But in my case what can anyone do? Trust me, listening is enough...more then enough and greatly appreciated.

I suffered in silence for so long that just being able to talk about it...mention the un-mentionable gives me great relief and some satisfaction. I do have to be cautious because once i started opening up about this, I've noticed a couple incidents where I over-shared to somebody, in one really mistaken move on my part to my future daughter-in-law. She found it very troubling and mentioned it to my son. I hadn't even realized that I had mentioned it. I felt terrible but i learned a lesson...

Most people cannot handle this information...nor should they have to. It really put her in an un-comfortable spot and it would affect most folks that way. So balance once again becomes a critically important matter in my life. Being able to balance my new ability to open up about such things and knowing when it's time to actually share.

I'm getting better about it and blogging has helped because I can "get it out in the open" here and benefit from feedback as well. Still it strikes me as surreal and odd but it is working and the best part of all is that I am healing and moving in a very positive direction...

So I'll continue the balancing act as long as Indeed..perhaps that is the"new normal", who knows. Anyway it has been a pleasant day and I'm grateful to have been around to enjoy it. Until next time...