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Thursday, May 5, 2011

A Safe Place...

Artwork by konakonakona

One moment in time...poof and it's gone. How many times have I said or done something spontaneously, off the cuff and instantly wish I could take it back, yet couldn't. In a recent post, Sunny over at Sunny Sings The Blues mentions that never again will the words Fuck You be the last thing she says to someone...why? Because they could LITERALLY be the last words you ever have with that person. And I get her point...and agree whole heartedly. Plus it has really gotten me really thinking about the things I do and say...How do I treat other people each and every day? Because it's true, we could literally be having our last conversation EVER with that person...

These are thoughts and internal conversations that I never used to have with my self before. I didn't worry about it. I didn't consider the impact of what I said to people as long as they acted the way I wanted them to. If they didn't, they were jerks anyway and I had no use for them. My life basically was all about me. Why would I consider another person's feelings? What did I care?!

I was so wrong about that and so many other things. This world is a tough place, it's the Big Leagues and it's live, meaning we don't get to practice it, we go through things and only have one time to get it right. Because of that, stumbling and falling is all a part of living this life. It's not fun but it is what it is. I have learned that one of the most important aspects of my life today are the relationships that I have with others. In the past, I was the Lone Wolf...I didn't need or want anyone in my life, except on MY terms. Man was that mis-guided and troubled thinking.

We all need people in our lives...I have discovered so much joy in friendship and family that I never knew existed. It is important that we nurture those relationships as well as cherish them. I'm not pulling these thoughts out of thin air...nope. They come from hard experience.

Every step of my medical journey these last few months was made easier because of my friends and family. They were always thinking and praying for me and that was a great comfort. But that wasn't, they were always there for me, when I was so sick I couldn't really do much and when I felt alone and forgotten they reminded me I wasn't alone. Those relationships mean the world to me...

I'm sure my increased belief in the value of relationships in our lives is why Sunny's post hit me so squarely between the eyes the other day when I read her post. She knows what it's like to say things one minute to someone...and then they were gone forever. Now she carries the wait of that with her the rest of her days and must deal with that. It is a good reminder to all of us. No matter how bad things are, it's always important to remember that life is fleeting and we can't take it back.

Changing my attitude toward other people has really been a difficult and tricky aspect of my recovery from alcoholism/addiction. I had to "learn" to think about did not come naturally for me. I was conditioned to only think about me and mine. I have found a great sense of freedom by thinking of the other person first, of just being there for THEM, in listening. The reward in that is immeasurable and it comes in the form of friendship, which I know now is invaluable, priceless.

So That is where my head has been at today, thinking about the other guy. What can I do for them. How can I help. So many people have never had anyone in their life that would just listen to them. It is so easy for me to give advice but I'v often discovered that isn't what the situation needs. Nope, often a person just needs a trusted ear, "a safe place to fall" a dear friend of mine calls it. How rare is it in this life today to have a Safe Place To Fall, to have a friend where you can go and honestly open up yourself and share your deepest thoughts and felling without fear? It's very RARE, in my experience.

So That is my goal today: I want to be "A Safe Place To Fall". A place where someone can come to me and share what's on their mind and I will lovingly listen to them. That is what I aspire to today. Are YOU A Safe Place To Fall?


  1. i've always thought about that - i'd feel genuinely bad if i told someone to fuck off or that they're a piece of shit and then something bad happened to them.

    in the moment though, it felt so right. i still do it.

    but you're right, we all need people, no matter how big and tough we think we are. you're in my wolfpack man!

  2. Thanks Bro, I appreciate that, the feeling is mutual for sure. Hey man, I know you've still been posting but i can tell the little guy is wearing you two out. It's quite a transition having a little one at home. It sounds like everything is fine and dandy health wise which is fantastic.

    hey man, i was wondering where my prize was? I was the only one who legitimately got the birth day right. One day before he was born a couple posers jumped in, hey I picked that date 3 weeks before hand, lol. Just giving you a little crap brother..

  3. "A safe place to fall"... I like that. To be and to have.

  4. Spot on...I always feel morbid when I think about it as someone is leaving - but I genuinely mean it when I say "I love you" as my boyfriend leaves - or "take care" when a friend leaves...even if I know I will see them soon. I wish I was better at letting everyone know!