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Monday, May 16, 2011

It's A Daily Decision

The day began with physical issues dominating things for me. I just haven't been feeling as well as I was. But the other aspects of life and living, have dawned with a renewed passion. Life is full, I feel free to live my life for one of the few times that I can remember.

Vincent Van Gogh

Balance has a great deal to do with how I feel. If I am having a
"less then good" day, I can usually trace it back to some important aspect of healthy living being "Outta Whack". I'm reffering to something in my physical, emotional, psychological or spiritual condition being off balance, out of synch or just plain messed up!

Those are the indicators I look for today when I am really reeling and upset or feeling angry or resentful. When my open line of communication or portal to God has been severed or disconnected, my life and my behavior, er..reaction to it tend to spin out of control.

I've learned as time has passed in recovery that recognizing that type of imbalance and rectifying it as quickly as possible, is one of the best things I can do to maintain the happy balance and positive daily day life that I had been looking for all those years.

It isn't achieving that balance that is so difficult really, I have found that it's maintaining it that is hard...really hard. Because I can let the smallest, seemingly most insignificant things overwhelm me, control me and yea basically eat my lunch! Hence the importance of maintaining my spiritual condition.

I have found if I am constantly wired into my Creator, actively seeking, knowing and then living out his will for me, I find that living an active, positive life isn't quite as difficult. And maintaining that overall balance in my daily life seems doable then..

So, this morning my physical condition was not what I would like it to be but because the other areas of my life were doing well, that balance allowed for me to compensate to a degree for feeling crappy and my day rolled merrily on. I just don't get overwhelmed or as upset by it for I realize that it is but a temporary setback, it too shall pass.

In closing I realize it takes just a couple minutes to write then read what I just posted here about balance and what it can provide in a person's daily life. It only took minutes to write yet most of my life to actually learn, realize then accept that it was the best possible way to live. And I continue to learn things about life and living each and every day...

I was not naturally inclined toward spiritual things, well I didn't think I was. Yet as I live my life today, I have begun to realize and accept that living as one who is continually tapped into God is indeed perfectly natural. I had conditioned my self to seek only my own self-will, counsel & desires and making that choice provided the original foundation for the chaos that followed in my life.

I believe today that as a baby boy, I was a Child of God and fully capable of feeling his presence. Yet I turned away from him at a certain point in my life and rejected God out right. I wanted to do things MY WAY. And disaster quickly followed...Chaos, loneliness, heartache and hopelessness reined supreme for decades as I destroyed everything that had been positive and good in my life.

In the end, I needed no other example then the wreckage of my own life and the absolute horror and pain of my experience to know that I was living the wrong kind of life. I nearly died before I discovered that I wasn't God, that left to my own desires I will hurt others and eventually kill myself. I was but an empty shell of a human being, wrecked, broken, un-forgiven..

So knowing all that today, my choice to seek God seems the only reasonable way to live yet I wasn't capable of reason. I fought that decision for a long, long time, probably more out of habit, fear and instinct plus I was still trying to control things then any other reason. Only through time and experience have I learned that only by giving up will I find victory over my old self. And it's a daily decision to choose LIFE, I only get a one day reprieve and need to actively seek my Creator and live a life based on survive and helping others. That is where true freedom was waiting for me...