Saturday, November 19, 2011
But a Whisper 'til the END
"Tis early on Saturday morning, 19 November, 2011 and once again, like I whisper I drift through the early morning hours never truly touching earth. I'm here, still awake.."of course I'm still bloody awake!" It's real, my being awake all right...yet like the proverbial tree falling in the forest...if no one was there to hear it then did it actually make noise...did it even truly fall? If nobody body else is awake to witness my all night adventures...did they actually occur or is it my own exhausted imagination playing tricks on me. Am I here now, for that matter.
Darkness begins to filter through the exhausted lens of shuttered eye lids...keeping my head off the desk is THE real chore this morning but try and lay down in my bed to actually sleep, forget about it! The energy surges through my brain into the rest of my body the INSTANT my head hits the pillow...why that is I haven't a clue and I am no longer even bothering to question it. No...it is what it is...just move on with my day. I figure that I will sleep when I need to.
Last night at the end of a post I alluded to some things going on in my girlfriend's life at home with her family that are truly troubling me and frankly...just plain TROUBLING. I have resisted for the most part communicating my feelings about it here...first and foremost as to not continue to remind or FLOG K-Sue with it but I get to a point where I can no longer remain silent.
I am talking about a family emotional abuse and control case that beggars description. The Jerry Springer Show would not report on this situation because they'd have difficulty believing it was was actually true! But it is...this is all I will say: from the day Kim was brought into that family her mother and her older sister have done NOTHING but tell her how STUPID SHE Was. I have never witnessed anything like it.
For the nearly 7 years that I have know Kimi, she has slowly but surely worked her way out of this natural acceptance that she is a stupid and bad person. This has been a heart-breaking scenario for me to have to witness, live with and try to dispel with her because deep down Kim still believes that Crap, 'I'm dumb, I'm Bad, I'm Stupid" I know it is a LIE but she still struggles...in her head she is starting to see the beautiful person I see but her sub-conscious would let her believe it. This vicious lie told for nearly 40 years has such a hold on her....but the damage that has already been done to this beautiful SOUL is unfathomable and in some instances irreparable. It is CRIMINAL in my mind that such emotional abuse exists but that's the way it is...
All I can do is love her and support her but she still has a very long, heart-wrenching road of healing. And the simple fact that we cannot get her out of that physical situation is nearly driving me insane because I feel responsible...like I need to protect her and help her. All I can do right now is love and support her and this morning I take another step in doing that by exposing the cruelty of her family...
(Top PHOTO: Kathy Tomson)