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Wednesday, November 9, 2011

We Happy Few

"From now until the end of the world,  we and it shall be remembered. 
We few, we Band of Brothers. 
For he who sheds his blood with me shall be my brother."od with me, Shall be my brother; be ne'er so vile, This day shall gentle 
his condition. And gentlemen in England now abed, Shall think themselves 
accursed they were not here, And hold their manhood's cheap whiles any 
speaks, That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day."
"From now until the end of the world,  we and it shall be remembered. 
We few, we Band of Brothers. 
For he who sheds his blood with me shall be my brother."

- William Shakespeare ("King Henry V")

Please explain to me...someone...ANYONE..why I wake up from a delightful 80 minute night's sleep with these words from William Shakespeare's King Henry V blasting in what had been the deep silence of my rarely resting brain. What is this all about? And why does this typically happen to me..why must I continue to have the oddest freakin' lifestyle of any sober person on the planet? I haven't a clue either but I just HAD to ask.

Such is an example and mind you this is not an unusual one, no...but a common example of what goes on in my mind almost continuously throughout the course of any particular day or night. I think one of the reasons I have always felt like I was different, odd or just plain weird was because when my 10 year old neighborhood buddies wanted to spend all their time fighting over an old playboy magazine looking at naked woman I was day dreaming of being left for dead in No-Man's Land on the SOMME Battlefield back in 1916. I was very intrigued and interested by what it must have felt like to take 3 days to die of wounds in the broiling, hot July sun...with no water to quench this insatiable rocketing back and forth over head...the teeth-chattering sound of the machine guns calling out their victims names.

I wanted to walk on the Moon, my friends wanted to go to the Saturday matinee movie. They wanted to get to "2nd base' with a girl and I wanted to feel what it was like for two people to melt into one...I just felt things so much more intensely and it, cut me off, isolated me from my one understood where I was coming from and often they said so out loud, very publicly, much to my humiliation. I really didn't want to be different or isolated but I was and I didn't make any effort to reconcile that "gap" as it were. I just simply could NOT or would NOT compromise...It simply wasn't an option. I was me and that is all I could be...even then I avoided being a poser. I simply wouldn't be what I couldn't be...

So as I got older and started to feel like these battlefield dreams might indeed be trying to tell me something. That perhaps there was some truth to this odd notion that I had been on this earth...had lived then died...violently before. That I could hear shellfire in the quiet of the night and always had the smell of dirt, cordite and a sickly, sour/sweet smell (that I later learned was the smell of death...rotting flesh) forever in my nose.

Today I just choose not to pursue that question (Reincarnation)  knowing full well it will answer itself in due time...

So why do I wake up with the words of Shakespeare's King Henry V echoing loudly in my brain? Because it is I...of course and that is who I am. And this is what I do...I see the everyday world like an Impressionist painting...vivid color, distorted images telling me that there is MUCH MORE to this life's story then just meets the eye! Life is layered...multi-dimensional...I laugh at folks who seemingly can't cope with life on one simple dimention, yet alone 3!

I watch the sunrise most every morning from my bedroom or the porch or from the Golf Course and each time I see the Sun make it's way skyward the sound of Vivaldi or Chopin or Bach (lately in the form of Yo Yo Ma's Cello!) accompanies it without my ever thinking about it. That is who and what I am...a multi-dimensional man who for a brief time knew what it was like to feel like an abused woman...bent over a bathroom sink.

I spent so much emotional mother-like energy with my children when they were young because their true mother was a no-show and my reward...our reward is a much fuller, deeper relationship. is much more painful when things go awry but it is that much better when things go well...intensity is a critical part of what I am...I just levitate almost and vibrate with passion..about living, about dying...about GOD...sounds ridiculous I realize to those who don't know me but if I am to be honest, that is who and what I am all about. So much much energy and drive...the passion for life...goes WAY beyond this current understanding we all have now is continuing to push, to prod just like when I was a small boy. But today I sense the difference...all the pushing...all the prodding is continually moving me toward...GOD. I know now that it ALWAYS Was...THAT was what made me different.


  1. I think I would have liked you as a young boy. I wish that all young boys who present differently to their friends could see how beautiful they really are! You are beautiful.

  2. What a wonderful thing to say, thank you Shelby. My heart really goes out to young people today growing up with the peer pressure to conform. The cliques have gotten ridiculous and are just as controlling of young people as the ever were...but there are still sharp, strong intelligent young people who will not compromise who they are. More power to them...