LOUSY

I still have the lingering raggedness, itching eyes, constant yawning and general feeling of malaise that more then likely is a result of poor sleep. It could be the new Blood Pressure Meds affecting me as well. I am sick of feeling lousy all the time and not at all sure what else I can do about it. I'll admit that it is really affecting me negatively...I feel lousy and it has left me feeling angry...just plain anger.


I don't feel like I'm capable of following through properly with my commitments yet I'm doing it but it's a half assed job and I think people notice. I'm going to the jail tonight and just don't feel good at all....the situation with Kim's work, home life and other issues is very difficult and THAT is discouraging me (and US) as well...it's a low time.


I will say it here but I avoid complaining on this blog because I don't want to sound whiny but I think by covering it up I'm not representing things honestly. So I feel like shit, my attitude is bad and naturally that upsets any "balance" I had going in my life. It also effectively blocks any open communication with GOD so all is not functioning well. 


By continuing to push myself and press to find a way to feel better...I think I'm just making things worse so I am going to stop writing about this crap for a bit and try to regain some serenity by just shut down until I leave for the jail. 


Lets see if we can't transform LOUSY into DECENT with some deep breathing and meditation...


(PHOTO: Ansel Adams)