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Wednesday, November 9, 2011

I Am Me..(And I Won't Let You Forget It)

I suppose that from my earliest days of the planet (this time around , anyway, hehe) I took the fact that I was born as a single, individual entity to mean that I was unique and made specifically as I never had any difficulty with just being myself. And by being a strong individual anyway, I was never really shy with my thoughts or opinions...and this made it even easier for me  to fly my"freak flag", as they used to say.  I would to try and create, space between myself and others  by intentionally acting a a little nuts and you know what? It worked....

But naturally, just like with my addiction...I took things too far. I was really outrageous behaviorally...with my dress, language and attitude.....I had both ears pierced Halloween night 1979...this was  long before it was acceptable for guys to have even one (proper, so-called  non-gay) ear pierced and of course I just had to wear long, gold loop chains so they were about as noticeable as could be...even with my mid-back length hair.    

Today, one of the challenges of my recovery right from the start was curbing that natural tendency of mine toward rebellion...just for the sake of rebelling. Same thing when I started to think about God and Christianity...In all seriousness, Christians were MY personal enemy...I had a huge festering resentment toward them bordering on insanity by the time all was said and done.  I believed that they were out to get me and make me conform..."turn us into SHEEP" was how a buddy and I described it then. I honestly believed that to be a Christian you couldn't think for your self...I was so protective of my "freedom"...yet I lived in complete bondage to self the whole time.

Today I even imply that I am a FOLLOWER (of Christ) as part of the title line of this blog: "I Will Follow" are the exact words. I guess I may have changed just a bit in the last few years eh?! I  often will hear all the same arguments I used against believing in GOD from others except today they seem so shallow, unintelligent and lame...where as they seemed so smart, clever and "cheeky" back then to me...I was just a fool..I'm gonna try and not be that same fool anymore.  Is that cool with you?                                         

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