I'm Not Alone, It Just Feels that Way Sometimes...

Confidence, faith, positive attitude...just having a combination of all these things  together in a healthy balance still isn't enough some times to keep from feeling discouraged. I know that there are times in life when it seems like you are really trying to do all the right things yet adversity still finds a way to intervene.


Kim and I are most certainly going though one of those rough patches where we are feeling quite challenged and in turn, discouraged. For most of my life, I could not see the difference between faith and plain old wishful thinking. I also have felt that if God indeed existed, who would I be to make direct requests for my good fortune or well being...It always seemed an awkward and strange concept that you could just suggest what you needed to God and he'd gift it to you....


As I sit here tonight at 3am, I am feeling really tired and quite weary...once again I am having some real difficulty finding peace in slumber, I admit I am really struggling.  A late night text just came from Kim informing me about more adversity for her in the form of a broken down van, on the South Belt-line around Grand Rapids with her 12 year old daughter at 1am. She'd just spent a wonderful evening with both of her kids, saw the late showing ow the Twilight Movie then dropped her son off at College on the east side of GR. Now this...


So our Thanksgiving plans are now in serious jeopardy and I just really feel bad for her and yea, discouraged for us because this kind of adversity has become the NORM for us lately. Honestly it is like that poor woman never can have some good fortune without some major counter-balance event taking place.


But this is no time to give in to the discouragement...stuff does indeed happen. It is just another bump in the road...though my latest health problems are also a concern. And because I feel less then "stellar" physically, this also creates a bigger drag on my ability to remain steadfast and faithful, to keep my eyes facing forward and focused of the Lord. When I feel I unwell physically it gets harder to stay focused and be positive.


I think it is quite normal to question the difficult periods of our lives as they happen. Again...it is especially hard when you seemingly are giving it every bit of your energy and effort. All I can do really is keep getting up every day and working as hard as I can and that is what I will have to do now.


I know in my heart that this challenging morning will pass and it is important to keep certain things like that in perspective so I'll make an attempt to do just that...


(Painting: Winslow Homer)