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Saturday, November 26, 2011

Who Could Forgive This Despicable ME?

I never expected to "know" GOD...I figured if he did in fact exist..."knowing" HIM would be reserved for the very special or extremely devout....NOT some f**k up like me...

I didn't have a clue at that time how great our GOD is and what FORGIVENESS of my sins was all about...I understand it much, much better today.

The thing that is humbling and the hardest for me to forget is what kind of person I was just a short time ago. I was so selfish and self serving...never caring really for others, unless of course there was something in it for me.

I was completely untrustworthy...a liar to the very core of my being...I had to be, I couldn't very well let people know who I really was and what I was really like!

My entire life...for many, many years was completely and totally dedicated to finding THE state of TOTAL OBLIVION through drink and drug use basically for every waking moment of my existence. Nothing and I mean that, NOTHING else mattered in the end.

Who could forgive such a person? I certainly could NOT! I had come to completely HATE myself. I was disgusted by the very thought of me, myself and I. Yet I hadn't a clue as to how to change who I was...

Some of that began to change when I got sober. An event I attribute completely today to divine intervention. I should have died that day at my own hand yet somehow I survived. 

If it seems as if I am still a bit lost, in disbelief about this whole life change I have just experienced these last 5 plus years, well that is because I am stunned...I just can't believe this has happened to me. I have been SAVED when I most certainly had done NOTHING to deserve it...and I am so completely grateful to my CREATOR today for taking pity on this lost little boy and rescuing him...from HIMSELF.

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