I feel like I'm getting all fired up before the big game and in reality i'm getting ready to read the bible out loud at church for an hour! I cannot explain it but I am just so filled with energy and good spirit. I am so fortunate to have a life where i have gotten the opportunities to experience God's Grace the way I have. I truly enjoy reading the Bible out loud to a group of people for an hour. Yes, I am the same guy that would stay up for 3 days straight, all zoned out on Cocaine and booze doing the craziest stuff you can think of. I have traveled frequently, all over the country and to many parts of the world. This sounds crazy but I enjoy this life today more then I did that one....
I cannot explain the feeling of calmness and contentment that comes over me sometimes and I feel so connected to GOD an those moments...I know I am in his presence at that time. It's pure serenity and contentment....also when the so-called sh*t hits the fan...i can feel him then too...it isn't serenity but it's CONTACT, I know he is with me s i forge ahead...
I just pray others I know can feel this way to some day...you can too you know. It's easy if you just surrender yourself to GOD completely. Trust me...I thought it was completely insane...yet here I am, a totally different person....
OK, gotta run, gotta READ!
I find it very frustrating that every where I look about getting clean, it seems that only God can intervene. AA, 12 Steps, Samaritans, all require you to surrender yourself to his care.
ReplyDeleteWhat about us that don't believe in god?
Ian, I completely understand. I did not really believe in a God, certainly not Jesus Christ when I got sober. As a matter of fact, I was 4 1/2 years sober when I became a believer in God. I know it doesn't make sense but if you really want to get clean, with all your heart then don't worry about the God thing...all that will take care of itself.
ReplyDeleteThe most important thing Ian is to get Clean...get yourself SAFELY detoxed, OK? Then my suggestion would be hit a 12 step meeting, say AA and DON"T worry about GOD. As a matter of fact, AA never says you have to believe in GOD. It says you must believe in a power greater then yourself. Some people believe that AA in itself is a higher power and they believe in that. I agrre, a fellowship that has THOUSANDS of sober members is certainly more powerful then ME.
Anyway, get detoxed, get clean, satay clean...those are the important things now. And I'll let you in on a little secret...I'll do the praying for you for the time being, OK Brother?
Let me handle the GOD stuff for you right now...just get clean. I think you have my email, if you ever want to communicate privately....use that address. There are things that I can't talk about publicly here but I can on EMAIL.
I know you are frustrated, I know you are hurting and shit isn't making sense...just take it a day at a time, get detoxed then you can worry bout tomorrow, tomorrow.
I tell MY story on this blog...that's what it is MY story. Everybody's story of recovery is unique to themselves. Over the years I've come to believe certain thins about addicts/alcoholics and getting into recovery. What it takes is Open Mindedness and WILLINGNESS to do whatever it takes to get and stay clean. And yes, Ian...that may include finding GOD someday...you may...you never know. I sure as hell never expected to believe in God and certainly was NEVER going to be a CHRISTIAN...NO WAY..they were all Hypocrites! Now look...
Take care my brother...I'm holding out for you dude...you'll make it!
Your faith is inspiring.
ReplyDeleteI am a little verbally spent and that is all I have to say today, but I'm sure you get it :)
Chris...I could learn a lesson from your brief, concise and to the point comment, excellent...thank you!
ReplyDelete