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Saturday, November 26, 2011

Can't Be Trippin' Over ME!

Time to get crackin' as it were. I actually think I managed to get about 3-3.5 house of accumulated sleep tonight and even though that doesn't sound like a whole lot to most folks, I feel rejuvenated. Really...

One of my least favorite things to blog about is ME. Ironic eh, since Shell Shock Serenade is all about ME? Actually what I mean is I don't like writing posts that seem self-promoting, whiny or ego-building. I try and use the example of what happened and what IS happening in my life to illustrate to others the challenges and the possibilities of recovery  from addiction/alcoholism and healing from rape/sexual assault.

So writing over and over about my health seems to me a bit whiny and self serving though in reality I think it is more relevant to my life in recovery and in life then I realize or will let on.

So many of my medical issues are related to my recovery because they are a direct result of my active addiction. Same with the Black Dog (Depression) and other psychological issues...

But I will say that I am most certainly negatively affected by my health right now. Physically I am really unable to do maintain the physical lifestyle to remain at the level of health I need to stay active, healthy and fresh these days.

Last night I was concerned because I felt so poorly and I was afraid that would negatively impact my 9a Bible Reading Ministry I have on Saturday mornings at the Nursing Home. And though I am still struggling with high BP, my feet are swelling and I feel feverish/weak, I feel more rested and generally in better shape. I'm looking forward to seeing the "ladies" (most days the listeners at the nursing home are all the same 7-9 ladies) this morning and sharing the WORD.

I guess that is the main reason other then just being concerned about health in genera that this illness is really bothering me: I am afraid it will affect these amazing things I get to do each day while trying to helping others in the process. I've come so far, worked so hard and have truly been blessed by GOD...and now it seems like my freaking body is going to fail me and it will all be wasted.

I know I can't afford to think negatively like that and let this get me down. I will just have to keep plugging away and I do believe that good things will continue to happen. I'll be honest...I am beginning to wonder if I can continue to live  like I want to physical condition is much worse then I ever realized and it frightens me. I need to be honest with myself that perhaps I did a great deal more damage to myself then I ever realized.

Well I need to hold my head up, keep my eyes on the prize and BELIEVE. Things have come this far...I truly believe they will follow if I let them....

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