Oh Boy...do I just love a good dilemma, a conundrum from hell as it were. I think it would be reasonable to say that because of my many years spent as a practicing addict/alcoholic that I am a guy that has lived in a couple different "worlds" if you are being honest about it. One...the upper middle class, educated upbringing my family always lived and passed down for generations and the other, the way of the "street" or drug culture. Rough language...little or no morals...perfect for someone who disliked being told what to do.
As most readers here at the SHOCK know, I have gone through a major transition the last 5.5 years and slowly but surely just about every aspect of my personality and behavior has changed. My language, how I act, what I say and don't say...lot's have things have changed. It is often an exaggeration and a cliche but in my case it is literally true: I've changed pretty much EVERYTHING about me...I had to, or DIE!
Since becoming a Christian I have made an effort to clean up things like language and such. It's funny but where I have been affected the most by the contrasts between these two worlds of attitude, language and behavior is while writing posts, especially about my past...here on Shell Shock Serenade.
I have even gone back and changed posts pretty drastically from a language standpoint because of it. Honestly that doesn't sit well with me at all because I think it affects the integrity of the piece. I have a good friend, who is an Elder in my church, a long time Christian and just a really good guy.In my opinion, he sets a pretty good example of how a Christian should live his day to day life. I have an incredible amount of respect for him.
The other day I wrote a post, two posts really about this Jerry Sandusky, Defensive Coach at Penn State who is accused of molesting and raping young boys (The above link is the censored post, the original was deleted). The gloves came off, my inner RAGE blew in and I just completely went off on the whole subject. Later I changed the post, softened it a great deal. Well my buddy read the first one before I pulled it and he told me later that I didn't need to change it. That GOD totally understood and I think he is right.
Listen, I'm not out to try and write the most hardcore and vile posts...no I'm trying to write the TRUTH as I experienced it. I think I have been trying to hard to avoid upsetting any one and I am not going to censor myself anymore. There is still at least a little concern on my part because I'm not sure some people can DZ
So I will do my best to write TRUTH only as I know it and with the language that best describes what I think, feel and experienced. I am not trying to offend any one and if I do I am sorry but it is what it IS..I have a sneaking suspicion if I truly write it with out holding back some people couldn't handle it.
(Painting: Vincent Van Gogh)
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