I don't believe it is any big surprise that working for something exacts a price, often a painful price. Today I will tell you that it has been worth every bit of hurt and struggle it took to change my behavior, my attitude, habits, way of thinking, my social life, my lifestyle and the list goes on. But there were many occasions during that time when I just wanted to QUIT. I couldn't take any more...my life was a disaster plus on top of that I was changing into somebody I never wanted to be, often paying a physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual price in addition to a monetary one. It sucked...It really did, it just plain sucked and I could not see the point at the time...
But of course I was too close to it to really see how it was going to benefit me until those changes started to bare fruit. I eventually embraced the change and by doing so things got a bit easier...and that I found is the key:
If you can stay the course, have faith, keep moving forward to the point where the hard changes begin to show a benefit, then THAT becomes your motivation and the whole thing gets a LOT easier as you go...But I see a lot of folks quit right before things get better and they NEVER get another chance. Last year we buried one of those guys that had it just about licked but he faltered, never could totally buy into the fact that he was powerless over his addiction and he thought he could control it. So he tried some "controlled" drinking...right into the grave just a few weeks later.
That is the kind of thing that really freaking HURTS to see happen and unfortunately I've witnessed that particular scenario on more then one occasion...I remember very clearly in the early mid 1980's when I started drinking again after a period of sobriety thinking that I was going to drink but IF it started to get bad then I just go right back into recovery. Well it took 20 years and if I hadn't tried to kill myself and failed..I don't think there is ANY chance in hell that I get clean/sober. So that is how close to failure I really came. I do not want to take that chance again...
I will say that today, I have no real temptation to drink or drug but that does NOT mean that I am still not at risk because all it takes is one drink and all bets are off on my chances for surviving another recovery...
it is strange when i think about it that all I have to do is take a drink, one beer and somewhere, somehow that starts the process that ultimately takes me down that terrible road to alcoholic insanity, incarceration and death. In a way you can feel like the angel of death is always near...as a matter of fact when I first got sober I felt like he was trailing me...today i no longer feel that way because of my belief and faith in God.
He's got my back today so I no longer worry about that jack Ass the Grim Reaper...he'll get me when it's truly MY time!
