Change....particularly drastic and sudden change can really shake things up in a person's life. That is an accurate statement as far as my own life is concerned. There just does not seem to be any allowance for "coasting" for me these days. And by "coasting" I mean just taking things the way they are, going through the motions, doing no more or no less then is required to "get by".
That obviously began to change for me when I got sober. I HAD to make some drastic and wholesale changes in my life or it was obvious that I was going to die. Either by illness, accident or most likely for me...at my own hand. So I surrendered to the notion that to live, I had to change...so I embraced that change to the very best of my ability. And that became part of my life and personality really...embracing and accepting change.
Good thing too because the recent changes in my spiritual condition required the very same kind of surrender...this time to God. That I had to acknowledge that only the Lord could help me and what I must then do is surrender to him, ask for forgiveness and commit my life to glorifying God.
This initially seemed an insurmountable task when I first realized that I had to completely surrender myself to him. I really didn't want to...it went against the grain actually. I wanted to be self-reliant yet I had to admit that when I am in control of my life VERY bad things were happening. So I surrendered to him, died to self and discovered a whole new way of life.
Again, none of this came easily to me but I supposed the advanced state of my addiction and the fact that I had tried to kill myself made it easier to accept that I was a complete failure at playing god.
What I am discovering though.. and yes, it is a bit of a surprise, is that even though I have made many drastic changes to my lifestyle, behavior and the way I conduct myself daily I realise that the NEED for me to change has only just BEGUN. That's right...I'm starting to see it is a life-long process of staying connected to God and continually changing to live according to his will.
I remember very clearly the time when I knew that I believed in SOMETHING but I just wasn't sure what it was...that I never could really sense what I was supposed to do next. That my friends has completely changed today...
When I accepted the Lord, the Holy Spirit moved into my life and often times now I find that what I am supposed to do next is so clear to me that it might as well be written on the sky...I just can't miss it! But NOT always...
No, some things in life ore not for me to know...and that is the hard part for me because I WANT to know EVERYTHING (You can tell I'm related to Adam & Eve, eh?!)...it is my way of wanting to control things again. So that is just the way life as a FOLLOWER is...Change, backed up by Faith. At least in my life as a follower it is.
I don't necessarily know where I'm going or what I am going to do next but I KNOW deep down that it is RIGHT and I must persevere. That has not been the most comfortable way for me to live but it's funny...I'm discovering that it does indeed...Work. And if it works for God...well I'm gonna follow!
