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Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Mid-Afternoon SHOCK!

Midi-afternoon blog posts aren't typically my cup o tea but since I've been laid up a bit the last couple of days with my Injured Back and Nerved Damaged Feet I figured it gives me something constructive to do instead of just trying to sleep. The likely-hood of getting an actual nap in around here in the middle of the day during the Summer is highly unlikely...too many boats, too much construction, lawn cutting and phones ringing off the hook. So my friends, you get another post, hopefully one still worthy of your reading time.

Which had me thinking about the kinds of post that I write. A couple of days ago I wrote some a few lighter more conversational posts thinking that my usual fair of hard reality topics might be wearing on some people who try to read Shell Shock rather frequently. And you know what happens? The number of hits drops by 50%! No I interpret that to mean that the typical "SHOCK Reader" wants me to cut to the chase...It the hard stuff, stick to reality, my reality & leave the fluff and comedy to others. OK I suppose I'm not really surprised by that...I'm the very same way.

I have had some people tell me that the content is too heavy, too often but honestly, I'm living it and writing about it and it doesn't really bother me. On the contrary...the act of getting it out into the open and dealing with it actually lightens the daily emotional load. Perhaps the reader has discovered the same thing for themselves...

Anyway, I'm not going to go too far out of my way to "lighten things up" in the future. I mean there will always be lighter, hopefully cheerful posts but I will no longer fret about there being to much "HEAVY material" anymore. I think when someone chooses to read a blog called "Shell Shock Serenade" they are NOT expecting  to read about Butterfly's, Marmalade and folks running around with flowers in their hair". This blog is about my life, it ain't about the Summer of Love!

So I suppose I should just stick to what I know...heartache, loneliness, hopelessness, anger, self-hate, suicide, drug name it, if it hurts, I'm all about it! OK, OK...I'm exagerating a bit but basically the strength of my story is what happened, what I felt and what I did to get out of that situation. I feel pretty confident today that anyone chossing to read this blog wants it straight: no sugar coating...just lay out the truth and let it speak for itself.

Right in the middle of writing this post I got a call from my good friend G. We haven't really gotten a chance to catch up lately so we were talking about what's been happening of late. He is someone I look to as a spiritual mentor, in addition to being a dear friend.

Just before we hung up he told me about a guy we both know who is now in the hospital in really bad shape. He has occasionally read this blog so I'm not going to go into detail about his situation except to say as G was relating to me about visiting him today in the hospital, it occurred to me that I had been in almost the exact same type of place physically, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. He has NO HOPE. He is Hopeless...he feels hopeless. Now that is a feeling, no matter how long I live that I always will remember..God is never going to let me forget how that feels.

Man, that really hits home....I'll tell you, this recovery thing NEVER really gets easy because to keep what I have (sobriety) I have to give it away (help others) and to do that I have to be with them. See them, talkohb     to them and feel their pain, their loneliness, their hopelessness...there is NOT an easy way to do that, let me tell you. I am a human sponge when it comes to pain...

So as I wrap up what initially started as a bit of fun posting about subject matter for this blog, I feel humbled to know a friend is really hurting right now. That never gets easier to take either...

(Painting by Vincent Van Gogh)