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Thursday, August 25, 2011

Wet Leaves Lie...

A hard rain, it seems...actually did fall.
Any regular reader to this blog will realize in short order that I tend to see rain or snow as a redemptive or cleansing thing. And boy did we ever get a "cleansing" around here the last two nights. The rain really fell and I tend to think it isn't a coincidence or an accident...nope.

I believe that I need to be reminded that to "wash away" the difficult memories of the past I've experienced the last couple of days...I do this by prayer and meditation. God tends to do the rest these days...

I am referring to the difficult memories brought on by the hospitalization of a friend for his addiction. I have basically written the last two days worth of posts on the subject and I think it's time to put all that into proper perspective. Not so much to put it "behind me" as to put it in a proper place so I can continue my daily journey.

I'll admit it: The sorrow was beginning to wear on me. And I have no problem experiencing strong emotions about this situation, I wouldn't be human if I didn't. I also wouldn't be much of a friend if I didn't care.

Some will say that you can't let yourself get "personally  or emotionally involved" in the lives of practicing addicts, that it will eat you up inside and spit you out. My contention is that I have absolutely NO CHANCE of helping them in ANY way if I don't get emotionally involved. You just have to stay connected to the Creator and he nudges me in the right direction.

Just like now...I have felt a great deal of painful sh*t the last couple of days...hey, it hurts to see a friend suffer so...especially the way he is suffering with so many similarities to my own story. But I also know when it's time to move on to a different place where I can detach a bit but still be engaged. And I've managed to do that through meditation and prayer. It grounds me, strengthens me so i can hopefully still be helpfully engaged in G's life...if he wants me to be.

I used to think that you either experienced your emotions, full bore until they consumed you or you held them back completely. Now I realize that isn't necassary, that there is some middle ground. That is a big change between Thom today and the way I behaved 6 years ago...I understand moderation, the ability to feel yet not let it devour me. It has been difficult learning that lesson at times but very worthwhile. I am much more useful to my friends and family that way.

So Now that the cleansing rain of last night has past, I'm going to step out side, refreshed and rejuvenated to see what this day is going to bring...