In the last couple of years I've known that good things were happening in my life and that they had EVERYTHING to do with my recovery and my belief in a HIGHER POWER that some, including even me referred to as God. But I wasn't really a believer in anything...I had a vague notion that there MUST be some DIVINE FORCE or influence in the universe and that is how I looked at it. I did not fully commit to Christianity until late January but I really believe the whole process began that day at the hospital after my darkest....of all DARK DAYS.
As I mentioned in one of the earlier posts today, this conversion of mine to Christianity is not something I felt really motivated to discuss, here on the blog or anywhere else publicly. I was afraid of being looked on as a freak...yep, a Jesus Freak...the same kind I used to MOCK, to HATE, criticize and mercilessly make fun of time after time.
I couldn't stand Christians and their Bull Sh*t piety combined with their penchant for judging me and others. They made me sick with their hypocrisy, their rules...even going so far as to tell people what they could and couldn't do in bed! How dare anyone tell me how I should act...I had THEM figured out. If only they were as open minded, fair and reasonable as I was...I NEVER judged anyone...well, er...except Christians and Muslims and..anyone I happened to disagree with.
I will say this right now...sure, there are people who claim to be Christians, who in some form or fashion act similarly to the stereo-type portrayal I just gave above. But I honestly haven't met any like that since I have become a FOLLOWER of the Lord. The Biblical portrayal of Christians quite simply is a follower of Christ. The word as written in the Bible (not as MAN translates it for his own purpose) is quite simply the TRUTH that I have been searching for my entire life. I judged the Word of God without ever having READ IT for myself!
Each person has to live this life here on this planet...you have choices and here in America you are free to choose what you believe. For me, the choice was simple....but it wasn't always this way. I've made it quite clear in entries throughout this blog's existence that I have suffered a great many things, many different times and for many, many moons at my own hands...because of my own selfish desires.
The choice today to live for HIM and not for self has transformed for me in no uncertain terms what life truly is and what I can do to help others...It is the first time in nearly 49 years of living that I have ever felt like this life of mine, now that I am living for Christ, actually has purpose and meaning. I cannot deny it and that statement for me pretty much sums up how much has changed just by my believing in, accepting and FOLLOWING HIM.
So this self proclaimed "God Hater" now lives his life, to the very best of his ability for God and ONLY for GOD! I wonder how we can possibly explain how THAT happened!?