Monday, August 22, 2011
Sometimes...I Still Cry
A bit of residue from that last post still remains...it may stick around for awhile. A tough day really for this ADDICT...I had some appointments I had to tend to this morning with my folks, of course my back and legs are in pretty bad shape at the moment and all that running around earlier certainly didn't help. And besides the physical pain I couldn't control, I had then go and write about a very difficult incident from my past emotionally, something I could have avoided doing...yet DIDN'T!
After writing that post I called Kim who is back home in Holland (Michigan), I felt like I had better talk to her because I have a tendency of kicking out posts sometimes without thinking about the consequences...I definately did that again tonight. K-Sue was perfectly fine with me posting about that subject but it is just as painful of a memory for her, as it is for me and it still seems very real because she literally thought I'd died that day.
So we talked about it for 15 minutes or so, going into some detail not only about what she experienced that morning but I shared with her for the first time in some detail what I remembered and what I really saw. It was heartbreaking to recount it all over again...that stuff STILL really, really HURTS! It began to overwhelm me so I had to ask that we stop talking about it for the time being and so we did.
I am very fortunate to have a partner in life who cares enough to fight for me, to take that risk, to endure the pain...I never ever had anyone do that for me before. She undoubtedly saved my life that morning, the EMT and the Doctors later told me that. I also had severe pneumonia and the fluid had built up so badly in my lungs that I would likely would have died if I hadn't been forcefully revived like I was. It was a darn close call and I think that is why we both get really emotional about it now when we think back to that time...
Honestly and I say this with as little exaggeration as I can....I still can't believe either one of us actually survived that time in our lives. We were living so dangerously, simply by the amount of drugs we were doing. Mixing and matching Cocaine, Methadone, Ritalin, Morphine, Oxycontin, Fentanyl and drinking on top of it. Our hearts should have collectively exploded from the sheer volume of drugs we ingested...
The simple fact that we found each other again after a year apart and then spent 4 years as very, best friends tells me this is something very, very special. When I think about what we have been through together and the fact that if anything, it has actually made us stronger, closer to each other and brought us both to God, well it's obviously a special thing...I feel so blessed, I am so very grateful for our time together...it makes nights like this when we are apart so hard yet one day, it will all be worth it.
So though it really hurts when I think of those very difficult days, I know now that we wouldn't have what we do today if it weren't for those tough yesterdays...so I'll always remember what it took to get us to this point and NEVER, ever forget!.