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Sunday, August 14, 2011

One Small Sliver Of Hope...

One thing about writing a daily blog, particularly one that is based primarily on my own life: past, present and future is the huge temptation to...bitch. That's right...bitch, piss & moan, complain, vent, disrespect someone or something...or whatever you call it in your neck of the woods. It would be way too easy just to nitpick stuff I don't like to death and use this forum to do it. I used to spend an inordinate amount of time doing the very same thing in my everyday life so it would be rather simple to just transfer that complaining to the blog. Writing about it in a blog post seems to legitimatise even the most trivial bit of nonsense.

I have made an effort in recent years NOT to "pass the buck" or blame others when it came to dealing with my own life and it's issues. If I was going to change what was happening to me in my life, I was going to have to change the way I acted on a regular basis. I had to start by being honest, particularly with myself and the best place to start there was to admit when and where I made mistakes and do my best to make things right if possible. If it was too late for that I could still perhaps apologize and let others know that I was wrong, I would change and commit to them that I would...

I had been "dodging" responsibility all my life, it was time to stop doing that and take responsibility for a change. It wasn't easy...hey I had always blamed others and for some reasons here in out society that is "almost" an accepted way to act at times so it is easy to justify it as OK. I'm not buying that today...I have always known deep down right from the end, I was just doing what I wanted and needed to do to "get by".

What I have found is that this blog...Shell Shock Serenade has proven quite useful because it is a way to put something down and it gives that commitment some credibility/accountability because it is there for all to see. From people who know me to people that don't, when I share it here then they can follow up on that particular thing at anytime. By sharing things publicly I am also demonstrating some of the techniques for recovery that I have tried, the success's and yes some of the failures as well...I struggled at first when trying to talk about my failings and weaknesses but I eventually learned it was really for my benefit. Deep down most people realize we are all human, we make mistakes and yes, no one is perfect.

I almost think a writer in my position, especially one who writes about the subjects that I do actually will gain credibility by sharing their most traumatic experiences, deepest concerns and fears. At least as long as it is honest, realistic and believable to a certain degree. Honestly, I don't have any regret sharing my most personal experiences, thoughts and feelings here on the blog. I feel that it has been a very positive experience personally and I also feel that it has proven helpful to others who have read some of my stories and can relate.

At least I can offer some small sliver of hope that even the most horrific addiction or experience can find healing but sharing openly and honestly with others and as in my case, actively seeking the help of GOD, my Creator. Those were the beginnings and form the foundation of the life I actually have today.

Honestly I had nothing, ABSOLUTELY nothing AT ALL when I started this journey from the deepest depths of despair and hopelessness. Today I know that I am NOT alone and that with a wee bit of hope, LOVE will indeed conquer all.