Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Lost & Found
I like the implication of this post title as it relates to my life and the lives of other people I happen to know. It accurately describes the progression of my journey in that I was once totally and completely lost in this life, I was broken by self and ultimately failed as a human being only to be found again by surrendering my life and will over to a loving Savior and a commitment to serve others in HIS name...Once found I became a FOLLOWER.
HAHA...it is simple really it just wasn't easy or automatic or a slam-dunk. Like many alcoholic/addicts I could have died before I surrendered becoming just another number in a tragically long list of statistics. I could be in prison, having easily killed someone behind the wheel of an automobile, intoxicated. I wasn't one to typically drink away from home much, particularly in the later stages of my addiction but I drove drunk a lot of times throughout the years...often barely able to see out of one eye. I KNOW someone was looking out for me and others at that time, no doubt about it.
Or I could have just continued on, I suppose...pathetically managing to dodge one bullet after another. But honestly I just don't see how I could have gone on much further that way then I did, I was so LOST, so physically ill my body would have just quit.
Thankfully events in my life came together at a certain point, at a specific time...it was MY time to let the old world, old way die and be born into a whole new way of life. Gratefully that is what happened and I live a life today that I could only fantasize about during those horrendous final years of active addiction.
So I truly do feel FOUND after being LOST...oh yea, I was most definately lost. Life today makes sense really for the first time ever because I FOLLOW him...and he lets me know what I am supposed to do. Right now it is quite clear that one challenge and opportunity I have is to help FIND others who are lost and LEAD them back to the very same LIGHT that has guided me in my particular journey.
After years of living in darkness...and believe me I knew I was living a dark, painful existence in the throes of my alcoholism/addiction, haunted constantly by horrific memories of being beaten and raped then left to fend for myself for a lifetime really...all alone. I never knew peace, I never knew real love or the gift of God's Grace. All I knew...ultimately was Fear, Anger, Hate and Pain. Those were my god's, I followed their path as they led me down a road to self-destruction.
So knowing this now makes me more grateful then ever for my being saved from that life of pain and self-destruction. I feel a great desire to help lead others through their dark fearful forest heartache and pain then back into the light. I have great compassion for those who suffer...regardless of circumstances. I'll let God do the judging...I just see a human being who is hurting, lonely and in pain, desperately in need of love...that I can give and I do so willingly knowing what it did for me. I can LOVE others today, that is my gift...
So today I truly am no longer lost. I revel in the simple fact that I can find peace and happiness through serving HIM by helping others...It is a ministry of LOVE.