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Saturday, August 27, 2011

Letting It Go...

Not much time to write today so you'll have to forgive me...K-Sue is in town! So yea...I am a bit distracted, it's a two day/one night visit and there is a bit of catching up to do, haha. It's funny (Probably not so funny for K!) but for the last 4 years I convinced myself and others that we were JUST best friends. We WERE actually best friends and still are, the JUST part is what's a bit inaccurate I think. We did keep romance and intimacy out of the picture and just spent a lot of time together...we had fun. But I know now that at least for the last year of that time period I was living in denial.

I let my fear of what happened to me in past relationships influenced how I felt and my level of trust. Those were very difficult experiences to forget or put into proper perspective. It took a great deal of time and effort, especially communicating. We both had reservations and I do think that this worked out for the best. I feel much more capable today of loving and reciprocating love then I did even 6-9 short months ago. Oh, I could have muddled through but now with my new spiritual outlook I feel freer to be myself and just let it go...

So we are hanging out and really enjoying a wonderful Saturday here at the lake...the island is over-run to some degree with the late summer crowd but it doesn't matter...the Sun is shining, it's a delightful 79 degrees and we are together. I know, I know I sound like I'm writing a freaking Love Story here. Sorry, that wasn't my intention...but I will admit that things have changed between us and without a doubt it is for the better. And I have changed...I no longer let fear have any power of how I lead my life. I trust the Lord, he has really given me patience and great comfort while going through all of this, for that I am grateful.

I honestly think if I was still living life the old way, Kim and I would still be Best Friends and Companions, not a couple....and that really would have been sad. I realize how out of character it is for me to write about or even discuss personal relationship matters with anyone but I think my growth, the development of more trust and my ability to express my feelings of love/support are a direct result of my continued recovery and most importantly my FAITH. My Spiritual growth has had a profound affect on all of this...with out the Lord, we aren't together today, of that I am sure.

So....what to do now? A boat ride sounds like a good place to start...though we might wait until this evening. Anyway...enough time spent on the computer...believe it or not...I have better things to do!