OK GOD, I'm Ready

It's really been a rough couple of days (nights are the worst). I don't want to come across as being a big baby about this but I am so ill sometimes that it seems it will never stop. But I know Thursday is coming soon and this surgery will relieve the symptoms that have been bothering me the most.

I used to keep this kind of thing to myself, suffer in silence...I think that is why so many folks were caught off guard by my suicide attempt. They knew things were rough, I'd just gone through a divorce, I was sick then too but nobody had any idea how much I was really hurting inside or how empty and hopeless I felt.

I do NOT feel that way today. I have people who care and I believe that God is looking out for me. I feel confident that this surgery will be helpful and it is all part of the plan.

I know of a fellow who is a friend of a friend. He is really suffering from pain and illness. His doctor recently greed to send him to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MI where I just spent 12 days total between 2 visits. I have contacted he and his wife and let them know about some of my experience with chronic pain and about my time At Mayo. It really puts things in perspective to see someone else going through this same kind of experience.

I feel so much of God's Love and compassion for a guy I have never met face to face. I will do anything I can to help. That is the part of life that means the most to me today. I have been given such a wonderful gift yet it's being able to reach out to another person, who really has a need that makes like meaningful.

So I thought about him last night when I felt so sick and the pain was so severe I couldn't move without want to scream. I just said a prayer for him, that God would watch out for him tonight, I know from emailing with his wife that he is really having a hard, hard time.

And there was something about praying for him that made my situation seem somewhat less significant. I sure hope he feels up to having visitors soon, I'd love to chat him up for awhile...we'll see. If it's supposed to happen, then I know it will.

So I hold my head up and keep my eyes focus on HIM, he has helped me every step of the way. I know when I lay down to try and sleep tonight that I am never alone. I feel afraid to sleep because the pain and nausea has been really bad but I will once again just think about this fellow again and his struggles. I know that this will all work out the way the it's supposed to. I'm ready...