Watching IT Happen

I really have developed a soft spot for people who are struggling in this life, yet are working really hard, doing the right things instead of just getting discouraged and throwing in the towel.

I remember quite well how overwhelmed I felt when I was trying to get sober and nothing seemed to go right. The longer I was sober the more trouble seemed to pop up, mostly financial and health related for me. It was maddening to work so hard at staying clean, changing my behavior and such yet crap still happened. there were several days when I really gave serious thought to BAGGING the whole thing and having a drink. But I never did...

It's a good thing too because it obviously would have only made it worst. I have a fella I talk to who is right around 30...he has a couple of kids w/his girlfriend of 7 or 8 years but they don't have custody at the moment. He was busted for Meth use and is in a court appointed program called Drug Court. I really like him, he is working his tail off to meet his legal obligations, he really misses and loves his kids yet he knows that to have any chance at getting more visitation and perhaps custody he has to really make some changes.

I really pull for people like him and there are a lot of them out there who are trying to make a change and they come from all walks of life. Another guy is having some of the same sort of spiritual experiences that I had...I get excited about those too. I get stoked watching the MIRACLE HAPPEN, as they say in recovery.

People will come around and they are just simply BROKEN. And they have little or no hope that their life will change but they keep plugging away and it does..they stay sober, their relationships begin to heal, they find work , perhaps their health improves and they smile more. You can just see it in their eyes:HOPE. And hope...even a little bit is all it takes to change their whole situation...I just really freaking LOVE that.

It makes enduring the heartbreak of watching some of the others go back out and drink again. There surely isn't much joy in watching people die but it happens. It makes those who stay the course such a wonder to be around. It feels strange in a way but quite natural because it was not that long ago that was me: looking hopelessly lost and feeling like I had no chance of ever making it through to find sobriety and a new life. But it happened so now it's an absolute privilege, really to help others walk that very same path just a few short years down the road.