All Busted Up...and FAT

Ah yes, good old thormoo's gonna bitch about feeling fat again, watch out! Damn right I am. I do my best to try and avoid feeling sorry for myself. It's bad news for an X like me (X-Junkie, X-Alcoholic, X-Mental Job Suicide Head Case!) so usually I avoid self pity like the plague.

But I am sick and tired of being freaking skinny everywhere on my body but my gut! I'm not kidding, I'm starting to wonder if I don't have some sort of growth or tumor going on here. Of course it would have to be the size of a freaking basketball to account for the size of the gut in question, namely mine.


Pic from late last summer, thank god I have a shirt on!

 The belly is totally out of proportion with the rest of me and I can't stand it. That's not the worst thing though. I eat a pretty healthy daily diet. Rarely, almost never eat fast foot, lots of fruit, vegetables...ice cream is my one major weakness related to food.

I also exercise every day. That is where things have become frustrating for me. I am disabled because of car accident many years ago. I still have cracked vertebrae in my back along with several ruptured disks. I have a left hip that needs to be replaced and I keep tearing the cartilage in my Right knee just walking on it. I've had nearly a dozen surgeries on my feet, mostly the right foot including amputation of the right toe.

My point is that I am physically limited by my body. There are things I can do like ride the recumbent X-Bike which I do 6x week and I walk religiously. But it's difficult, very difficult to do and I'm struggling to know what to do.

I'll be honest, I have Satellite Radio and I listen to ESPN Radio every day in the car. And Every single day they shill for that P-90X exercise program and video. All the on-air radio personalities are doing it and of course it is having a profound effect on them. I want to do that darn thing in the worst way, I really do. I want the aggressive approach, I want to work it all out, to sweat it out...Yet if I am honest with myself I cannot do a majority of the exercises. I can't do even a basic sit up, pull up or squats, crunches. I can't jump or bend and twist. Definitely can't do a lot of the yoga related stretching they do though I'd love it if I could. Shoot, I lay down on the floor I almost need help getting up! It's like that commercial: " Help I've fallen and I can't get up", yea I need a Life Alert! Nope,  all I can do is sit on a X-Bike and ride the hell out of it and I do. I can also walk and walk, with in reason.

So I'm a bit frustrated. I have moved down here to the lake permanently a couple of years ago from Holland, MI and I haven't changed my doctor yet. I suppose a good place for me to start would be a physical to make sure I don't have any real stomach issues. Like a lot of X's (Junkies/Alcoholics) I do have some legitimate medical problems, mine are my stomach/abdomen, obviously all the injury related stuff. Breathing is an issue; I get pneumonia fairly easily (3x since I sobered up). So I suppose a good check up would be smart then try to work with  someone, perhaps a physical therapist to develop some exercises I can legitimately do, I don't know...maybe, we'll see..

OK I'm finished bitching, for the moment anyhow!