Cool Stuff

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

New Guy

I was quite calm...I didn't feel the least bit nervous. I suppose if anything it was a little weird. I had never been anywhere near this church before and certainly not inside the building. But I wasn't fearful like I expected to be. Nope, I felt pretty good, folks were nice and said good morning, welcomed me in and showed me where to go. Plus I didn't feel put on the spot at all.

Sometimes, when you are new to a situation, especially if it's a group of regulars like at a church, you stick out like a sore thumb. Then someone spots you, latches on and won't leave you alone. I hate that kind of stuff, I feel as if I'm on display.

Nope, I felt like I blended in and was never put on the spot. A fair amount of folks introduced themselves to me and it was all really friendly and cool. It is a fairly large church, there was plenty of room so I chose to sit in the back. I actually know a lot of people who attend that church but most of them tend to go to the 11a Service. I purposely went to the 8:30a because I'm an early bird and it's less crowded which I prefer.

I do think I mentioned that the service was really straight forward...Music, Announcements, Prayer, The Lesson and Teaching by the Pastor (Sermon), More Music, Close. I liked it a lot. I felt very peaceful, I enjoyed the message, it challenged me intellectually as well as spiritually. Overall it was a very good experience for me.

The message and focus of the service I thought dealt w/spirituality in the real world. It did not feel like Sermon's I've heard in the past where the minister spent the whole time either patting himself/the congregation on the back or berating the people for not tithing enough. There certainly was none of that here. But as you can tell, I had some very negative stereotypes that I was holding onto and I will admit, I was looking for stuff I disagreed with. I hate to say this but yes, I think part of me wanted this "experiment with church to didn't.

I've made the decision to keep going to church on Sundays and I will see what happens. I would be less then honest if I didn't share that I still feel rather awkward with this entire subject, whether it's about going to church, believing in God, whatever. I will say that I am experiencing some profound and I mean they are really amazing things regarding my spiritual beliefs right now. But I'm uncomfortable stating them publicly at this time for fear that I am still working my way through mountains of questions and doubt...Just give me a little time to grow into what I'm feeling.

I have always tried to be myself, warts and all on this blog and I really am opening the door here into a very tenuous and tricky journey. I feel vulnerable being this open and yea, part of me doesn't trust MYSELF. Believe THAT? But I've made some poor choices in my life and it doesn't surprise me that I gonna wonder if pursuing God or a Spiritual life is some major waste of time. The answer I keep coming up with is no, no it's not a waste of time. For a guy who has stated very forcefully that I have felt like I was fighting for the very existence of my soul, this is big time stuff.

But as I sit here tonight, I still feel just as strongly that I am supposed to share this experience as it happens to me: The doubt, the fear, indecision, the hope, joy and yea, the relief.  I really do believe that there is something out there and I'm on the right path for ME at this time and in this place....


  1. I feel strongly you are on the right path. Keep it up and like you said just see where it leads you.

  2. Thank you for sharing with us all. It helps others to know what you go through just as much as it helps yourself. Good luck on this journey you have decided to take!