I've been feeling emotionally...let's say stretched. Pulled, poked, prodded perhaps...I don't know, challenged. Yea, that will work.
Posting as I do can be very hard sometimes on me emotionally. I'm not complaining, nope...that was kind of the point of blogging in the first place.
Writing, sharing on this blog has been a pretty good experience for me. Not easy, uh no but good in that I definately am achieving the emotional, psychological and spiritual release I was hoping for. It has opened me up, turned me inside out perhaps, so just maybe I can see myself from the other side....
Doing that in a forum where others can participate: read, suggest, comment, etc. though, sometimes feels risky but in reality it has heightened the experience for me even more. When your writing this stuff out for yourself, shit it can be easy to cut corners...uh, you can't really do that when their are other folks reading it. And that has been a healthy and beneficial challenge for me, no doubt about it. I don't always agree with what is written and frankly it would frighten me if I did...it makes me nervous whenever someone is agreeing with me all the time! And because this is a one dimensional form of communication, there is plenty of room for misinterpretation and there are a few times where I felt my meaning has been misconstrued or taken out of context but in the end it still has proven to be a great benefit to me.
An awesome experience for me is that I have actually remembered things while writing that I hadn't before. In the post Darkest Before The Dawn , I relate the details leading up to my suicide attempt. I had no recollection of any of that before I wrote the post. I was astounded by what I had just written. I literally shook with disbelief and that is not the only time I have had that happen while writing blog posts for this site.
So whatever the risk is that I am taking in doing this...it is more then worth it because of the incredible gifts I've been getting in return. I have learned so much about myself. Not to mention I've learned how to blog, I gotten a bit better (I hope) at writing and communicating.
So there it is, it wasn't like I needed convincing really to continue but it sure has enlightened me a bit on why I should continue. So sorry folks, I guess I'll have to keep on writing...