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Monday, January 3, 2011

The Failure And The Quitter

I'm cold and feeling less then motivated so what should I do (after I write, of course!)?

OK...I just finished sitting here quietly for the last minute and I haven't a clue (makes sense, since I'm lacking motivation!)...OK, time to move on.

Last night I wrote a post about being in recovery. My original motivation for doing so was I realize that there are plenty of people out there in the "real" world who are somewhat uncomfortable with this whole subject and don't reallty know what to make of someone who doesn't drink anymore..But he used to drink a whole lot!

I know what they're thinking: This dude is a freaking quitter! Well technically I am when it comes to booze/drugs but a generalazation about me being a total quitter in life is untrue. Shoot, it's actually the other way around. When I was boozing, life basically sucked and I mean it REALLY sucked! In fact it sucked so bad that eventually I tried to quit it, life that is. As in permanantly through suicide but alas, I failed in that attempt too. So now I was a failure AND a quitter, lol! Man this living life shit was tough and I had a lot going for me, eh?!

And yea, I've seen the t-shirts, they are hilarious:

I do have a sense of humor about this whole thing, heck you have to or you'd be depressed all the time. What kind of life would that be? Well I WAS depressed all the time when I practised my addiction so that wouldn't have been too much of a change now, would it?

The funny thing about this subject of not knowing how people are going to react to the fact that I'm a recovering Alkie is this whole sense of awkwardness pretty much takes place in my head. No one has ever come up to me and said anything about it or even questioned it. Certainly not friends or family, hell they all knew I needed to quit or I was going to die, or end up in the poky or kill someone driving drunk. And nobody here on Blogger has ever commented on a post concerning my addiction, though I'd love to hear what people think about this whole subject...

I really would...I'm a guy who obviously thinks about stuff a great deal. I like to know what other people think too. That keeps life interesting. Plus I'm curious what type of a message folks are getting about me and alcoholism from reading this blog.

Any how, I'm always happy to oblige when I'm asked about my life, particularly when someone is having their own issues with booze/drugs or knows some one who is as well. It can be a touchy subject but in our chaotic world it's a reality that has to be dealt with and accepted. More and more people deal with the stress and tension of life but blowing off steam at the bar or popping a few pills. It's becoming easier and more accepted in some sense to do but there are risks. There can be too much of a good thing and it can and does get out of control. And when it gets out of control it becomes very difficult to stop or even slow down.

Of course the junkie or boozer is always the last one to know they have a problem. Or they have gotten to the point, like I did where I just didn't didn't give a crap anymore. And that's the saddest part of all....

OK thank you all for indulging my need to rant on this subject 2 posts in a row. I'll try to chill the next couple of days and write only about nice, safe stamp collecting or something..Uh, NOT! But I will try to spread out the super serious stuff a bit. Have a Happy Monday...


  1. I've only been blogging since March, and all this "sharing" stuff is new territory for me.
    "The funny thing about this subject of not knowing how people are going to react..." I think this applies regardless of the issue being discussed... I worried about this a great deal... ultimately it comes down to your own personal comfort zone.

  2. Spockgirl:
    I think you're absolutely right about that. I've always been aware that I'm blogging on the Internet...the whole wide world can see it so I have to at least consider what I'm putting out there. And it is my comfort zone that dictates what gets on and what doesn't. I will admit that I am pushing myself though, really reaching my limit and even trying to push it further then before. I feel the risk is worth the reward...the reward being TRUTH.

  3. I commend you for cleaning up and sharing your experience! I think you would be surprised how many people out there can relate. I have found that talk about anything heavy, be it grief, addiction, divorce, illness, or what have you, can be difficult for people. And for me, that difficulty communicating just compounds the problem and makes it that much harder to overcome. In general, I think too many people waste their time saving face. Life is unpredictable, why waste it worrying about what people think. I say, be who you are to the best of your ability, and share it to whatever level you are comfortable with. Anything done with authenticity will bring positive things your way. Sure some people won't get it, won't relate, and may even be critical, but in time, those people become more and more diluted by the ones who do get it and who do relate. And those are the people who make life meaningful.

    BTW I'm totally with you on the confusing techy blog stuff. Its like learning a new language. I'm new to this stuff too, but I've gotten a kick out of it so far. Thats why my blog looks different every day...I just can't decide :)

    Thanks so much for your nice comment today. It made my day!

  4. Sunny: Thank you for your comments, they are much appreciated. I suspect you may get as much of a kick out of what I'm going to say next as I did.

    Referring to the Techy stuff, when I commented on my post about certain blogs I was in awe of from a tech side, Sunny Sings...was the one I had in mind and was partially the motivation for the post. I know writers are supposed to enlighten readers too much on their motivation but I say: Ach, if not DOUBLE Ach to That! So imagine my surprises when I read your comment, tee hee. Isn't that how it always works though, every body has their own perception of things and how they work.

    As for the rest of the comments, I couldn't agree more. I simply have to do this to grow, to recover, to change and then ultimately to live. It is my choice and my responsibility. I am so grateful for this opportunity to blog, to reach out because the rewards (In the form of feedback, commentary) I have received for doing so have been amazing. More then I ever dreamed and I am really just beginning this journey. Thanks again for your thoughts...