I took a step out of my comfort zone this morning, WAAAYY OUT! Go ahead and laugh if you want but it was a big, big deal to me. I wasn't sure how I was going feel...I wasn't worried so much what I'd think. No biggie there, it would be what it was. I could handle the intellectual, it was the emotional that scared the crap out of me!! I was worried about what I'd feel because I had some MAJOR emotional baggage tied in with going to church...
And I was uncomfortable...more so then I expected to be, I guess which was disappointing. I think I was a bit over confident, the thought being "hey I've come a long way and this shouldn't be a big deal". Oops, it was a big deal and I was squirrely to say the least. There are just some basic things about people and church that I feel uncomfortable about. Notice I didn't say: THEY/THAT MAKE ME uncomfortable. I've learned, being uncomfortable is something I now know comes from within. I was unsettled inside of myself for some reason but I believe it wasn't a major thing and time should reveal what was happening there. So no biggie..
Perhaps I feel outta of sorts a bit because I am well aware that I am not as COMMITTED as others appear to be. Anyway, that is how I felt, the reasons, well they'll become clear over time...Life, I know now can't be lived in a day, I just need a little patience right now and things will clear up for me...
But I enjoyed the service, very simple...music, announcements/offering, prayer and the pastor had a message, then a closing song. The message was good, as I mentioned this morning I met w/this guy last week for coffee and I really like him. He is genuine, smart and this is truly important: he was real.
I just sensed it...and as readers of me know, I take "nudges", those cosmic suggestions very seriously! Frankly and I'm gonna piss some people off here, most ministers I've met have always come across to me as similar to the cheesy, less then ethical used car salesman stereotypes. No kidding, that's the impression I always had...
Not this fellow, no he was real and he believes what he believes. I will always respect a person's beliefs. He is also a very good speaker, a story teller really and though he is funny, it's subtle. I am skeptical too of a minister (or anyone really)who jokes ALL the time, who thinks he's Bill Cosby at the Pulpit. I always sense that they are hiding their true ignorance/lack of faith/dishonesty behind a wall of jokes and funny stories. This was different.
So...will I go back? Don't know but I probably will. I don't think you can truly get a real feel for something unless you give it a chance. I also realize one hour on a Sunday morning isn't a fair shake in my opinion. So I'll ponder that this week and let it go for now...
I once pitched against Florida State University's baseball team, This was back in the late 70's, when God blessed me with a golden arm. I came into a game when my small college team was behind by 10 runs half way through the second inning. The pitcher before me had just given up a grand slam, and the Seminoles were just taunting the heck out of us. Being from the north, Yankee go Home was a common theme. I was a scared sophomore, and yet, just cocky enough to think I had something for these "punks". The first pitch I threw was the best fastball I had, and the kid (then to be All American) I Pitched it to promptly waxed it against the center field fence. (I think my second baseman played it, when it bounced back into play off the cinder block wall). I now had a guy standing on second base, and a bunch of players screaming from the FSU bench... The next pitch I threw was the same fastball, only this time it hit the batter squarely in the middle of the back. I threw in the mid 80's and my fastball was a sinker, and very heavy. The umpire stopped the game and came to the mound to warn me, at which time, I reminded him that being from the north, and that this was only our second game outdoors, that control might be an issue. I said it loud enough for all to hear, and disguised my voice with a little humility...I now had runners on first and second, and no one out, and the guy at first had a sore back. I promptly threw an inside slider that was bounced to my shortstop and turned into a double play, for two outs, leaving a runner at third. The next guy saw a change-up that was so slow, you could have clocked it with a calendar. He popped it up to the third base man, inning over... Every Fiber in my being was scared to death, but I wanted to win, or maybe more importantly, not loose... That inside fastball was way out of the Zone, but as long as I was on the mound, or in right field, for that matter, I was still in the GAME...
ReplyDeleteAnonymous: Thank you for sharing your story, I appreciate it. Hmmm, that's got me thinking...
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