The Sorrow: Some Never Make It

Recovery has it's sorrrows. As often as you see someone who is new to recovery start to come around, begin to feel better and discover that they can indeed  have a life free from addiction...you see some who just can't get a grasp on it. Often with heartbreaking results...

I don't beilieve I will ever get used to that part of this life I lead in recovery. I've often said here that I've discovered a critical piece to my staying sober is working with those who are seeking to do the same. And if your going to spend time around alcoholics and addicts, your going to watch people die. Sad, yes but it's a fact of life when dealing with alcoholics/addicts...addiction kills people.

I've been sober a little over 4 years and though I haven't actually kept count I can honestly say I've known perhaps 7 or so people who have tried to get and stay sober but didn't make it...and they died. Some from illness related to booze/drugs, some in accidents and 2 I recall took their own lives. That just sucks...And It makes me angry.

Equaling hard to take are people I've gotten to know, become good friends with and then, POOF...I don't see them around any more. They are still actually alive but they've gone back to practicing their addiction and the last thing they want to do is hang around someone who is sober! I've become an unpleasant and uncomfortable reminder to them...

Periodically one of those folks does come back to sobriety but typically it's only after things had gotten a whole lot worse for them. I've never known anyone who came into a life of recovery, went back to drinking/using and then told me later "Hey, it's been great, you ought to try it!". Uh, nope, that's NEVER happened and I have a sneaking suspicion it probably won't ever happen either...

I'm feeling the loss of those folks a great deal this evening. The one's who have passed away certainly are on my mind, they always are but the people I'm really thinking about tonight are the ones still trapped in that vicious circle of addiction. Feeling lonely, sick....hopeless tonight. It fills me with sadness to think that maybe they'll never get it, never find recovery. And know the wonderful life they can have if they just put the shit down and surrender...