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Saturday, January 8, 2011

It's Just Me (part 1)

Are you married? Do you have kids? Yes? Oh how many...yada, yada, yada...blah, blah, blah. And so it goes the many shallow conversations that take place all the time when your meeting people in a social situation.

My TRUTH is yes, I was married, twice and I am not now. I'm not a widower SO...I must be divorced. Yep, I am.

The first marriage was quite short. The kids Mum and I got married before our daughter was born because everyone was telling us we should. I know I didn't want to and I'm pretty sure she didn't either. We had sex one time in a 10 month period. That one night stand on the living room floor (we were actually just killing time before we were left for the airport) led 9 months later to our son.

My first wife, was becoming a Lesbian right before our very eyes. And  she had been going through this process of realizing that throughout our entire marriage and probably even before that. It became obvious to the both of us and it seemed like a very natural thing, so we agreed to split. I was quite glad to be out of a situation I didn't want in the first place and wished her the best. I certainly wasn't ready to have my kids taken 1200 miles away and then become a single father. That is another post all in itself...

Then I basically went through the only period of my life where I had several one night stands. I began to party a lot more and would pretty much sack out with anyone who wanted to. I was very lonely, confused and I was trying to make it all go away with sex, lot's of sex and lot's of booze. That time of my life has always been a very unpleasant memory for me....

In the early 1990's I met my second wife, still the person I consider the love of my life. I will not go into much detail here out of respect for her but my addictions destroyed any chance that relationship might have had at ever being a positive, healthy, happy one. I don't know if we would have lived happily ever after, probably not because we both had very powerful yet quiet personality's and might well have grown a part anyway. But we'll never know, will we?

She left me after 13 or so years (some very good, some..not so much) and I don't blame her. That was in early 2005 though she left me emotionally LONG before that....Me, I was incapable of truly feeling anything for anyone other then myself.

I had a relationship during the last year or so of my using that was quite sick, drug oriented and very co-dependant...we were both junkies needing somebody to lean on, so we leaned on each other. As twisted as that relationship was, it was important because we both got clean/sober and are very close friends today. It's one of the most important relationships of my life....

So ends (part 1) of It's Just Me. I wanted to give a brief out line of my relationships before I launch into the true nature of this post "It's Just Me".


  1. I am not one for "shallow conversations" and superficial people, never have been, so one of the benefits of the life I have had, which is in stark contrast to yours, is that these don't last very long... the conversations that is. Heh.

    Hmm... This got me to thinking (oh no!). Which has more impact on me as the reader, the story of your life, or the fact that you are willing to share it, and bluntly so.

  2. I really appreciate your comments, I often feel like I offer too much information yet why bother if you can't share YOUR truth, eh?
    Spockgirl: A heads up, I cleaned up this post and pt 2 a bit. Didn't change any of the actual content but it should read better and no typos..or less typos 8^)!

  3. As said before somewhere, it is your blog so you write whatever the heck you want.

    I did see typos the first time I read it, but there is no way I will remember what they were. I am also big on spelling and grammar, but I don't bother bringing it up unless I know that the writer wants to have it cleaned up.